peachy keen:
1 fresh ripe peach
2 oz. fat free vanilla yogurt
5 oz. fat free cow’s milk
2 splenda packets
2-3 tbls of cool whip free
blend
not as cold as a smoothie with frozen fruit, but i ran out of frozen stuff and decided to whip this up in a bind. so totally worth it!

-walking on the sidewalk i encounter two teenage females walking on same sidewalk in the opposite direction. i always walk on the side of the road u would drive on, the right side. its just common knowledge right? the two girls continue to walk side by side listening to some obnoxious noise coming from their cell phone held two inches from their ear. they saw me, they made eye contact with me. yet they didnt move off to one side so i could get by. not that they were just stopped blocking the sideway, but i had to walk in the grass to get past them. RUDE!

-some vendor at the farmers market rattling on and on in an extremely loud obnoxious voice to another patron about how carbs are bad, nutrition is good, blah blah. which of course the patron lady was blocking my way to get to the cucumbers i wanted to purchase from the jackass vendor. so i had to stand there and wait. (because i’m not rude!) when she was leaving vendor says to her (granted in a slightly rude tone) have a good day and good health. she finally got out of the way i grabbed the cucumbers i wanted, which stated they were 2.50 and yes it did say per pound but in tiny smaller than a grain of rice print. i hand the cukes to him and say just these please. he rudely points to the scale and says put them on there. oh i’m sorry jackass i thought they were 2.50 a piece. (which of course i didnt say, but wanted to) he says “thats 2.07″ i hand him the money, say thanks and take my cucumbers. and he proceeds to help the next person. really, no thanks, no good day and good health? just fucking ignore me even tho i come to this market every week, spent more than the douche bag chick in front of me and was way nicer than her. RUDE!

-again, at the farmers market. standing in a cluster-fuck of a line to buy some strawberries. its the same vendor i go to everyweek and its always a cluster-fuck messy line, but most people can figure it out. its not rocket science. standing 3 people back and some chick cuts in front of the chick in front of me. she starts looking at the table of berries probably mentally picking out the ones she wants and turns back around to us and says “oh are ya’ll in line?” duh u fucking idiot. we both nod our heads. and she kinda moves back. as soon as lady in front of me buys her berries dumb bitch that cut proceeds to tell the vendor chick what she wants. like she didnt fucking see me there. i’m not spineless and generally dont have a problem saying what i want/need to say, but i felt no need to say anything cuz it really wasnt a huge deal. but still RUDE!

-sitting at the bus stop going back home after the farmers market (i hate driving downtown because of rude drivers, ironic) patiently and quietly sitting there. granted its noonish and busy out on the streets of downtown, but i was trying to be as still and quite as i could as to not draw attention to myself. i hate when random people come up and talk to me. its obnoxious. but my invisible cloak apparantly wore off because some seeminly innocent person carrying a pizza box makes a b-line right for me. sets his pizza box down next to me like he was gonna sit there and try to talk to me (arg) and asks if i could be a “doll” and spare 50 cents. and as i always say because i dont want to be downright rude and say no u jackass get a real job “sorry i dont have any cash” “oh he says, thats not good, not what i wanted to hear” picks up his pizza box and walks off. WTF? AND RUDE!

-again, at the bus stop going back from the market, some d-bag looks right at me, “the red line” he says. WTF? AM I PHYSIC? “what about it?” i respond. “have u seen the red line max?” at this point he’s being a fucking ass with an extremely rude tone so of course i’m not feeling like being nice anymore. “yup” and continue to fuck with my phone and sit there not paying attention and trying to get my invsible cape working again. lol. and just so he could get my attention cuz i wasnt paying attention anymore “WHEN?” loud and in my face. fuck asshole i’m not the fucking max/bus line operator. the only reason i was paying attention to the red line going by is because i needed to know if it was the one i needed or not. i wasnt checking my clock. i dont know the schedule. your a dick and i dont want to to talk to you. RUDE!

-had to go to the bank after the market. even tho i was in no mood to deal with anymore people it was something i just need/wanted to get out of the way. it was a beautiful day out and because the bank takes no longer than 5 minutes to walk to i decided to walk. I SHOULD’VE DRIVEN. of course u cant walk down any public street smoking a cigarette without someone stopping u and asking you for one. its annoying, granted i’m used to it and use the same line i do with the people asking for spare change. no, i dont have a spare/extra cigarette. because even though i roll my own where it only costs me about one to two cents per cigarette and i always am prepared and always i have extra i never give any to anyone. i also never ask random strangers for one or spare change for that matter. and i hate when people offer me cash for one. if u have money go buy your own jackass. i’m no more than thirty seconds out of the apt. complex and i see a group of teenage boys walking on the other side of the street. they looked like harmless well behaved kids who probably dont smoke. so i cross the street and walk behind them because i needed to be on that side of the road anyhow. plus, i’m behind them, they cant see me or notice that i’m smoking. WRONG. god i hate people. after i say no to them, they turn back around and continue to walk, but i heard rude gestures. (yes i said i hear gestures) RUDE!

-no more then 5 seconds after the teenagers ask me for cigarettes i some douche bag on his phone, shirtless and wandering around his truck, stops mid sentence to his phone recipent to holler at me in his best impersination (i dont know if i spelled that right) of joey from friends “how u doin’” god i wanted punch him in the throat. RUDE!

i havent left the house again today. and i dont think i’ll be leaving it tomorrow either!

a little “key” so i dont have to repeat myself throughout:
-i use unsweetened vanilla almond milk at all times. (it only has 40 calories for an 8 oz serving) u can replace this with vanilla soymilk if u want (the caloric intake goes up though) but i rarely use regular cow’s milk. its too thin and in my opinion doesnt get the same consistency.
-when it says X number of peaches that would be peach slices. i try to cut most of my peaches into 10 slices so i know that 5 slices is one half of a peach
-frozen cinnamoned apples are bascially that. i like fuji’s but whatever floats your boat. i peel (and yes i know most of the nutrients from an apple are in the peel but makes for a nasty clumpy smoothie) the apple and the core it. slice it into cubes, drizzle with lemon juice so it doesnt oxidize, sprinkle on as much cinnamon as i feel for that batch, stir around and lay them flat on a cookie sheet (so they dont stick together) and freeze them for atleast 8 hours. i do big batches at a time.
-pudding: general rule if its a measurment by tsp or tbls its dry form of the pudding mix. if its measurment is by the cup form its prepared form. i do use sugar free pudding mixes with fat free cow’s milk. but whatever floats your boat.
-my sweetener of choice is splenda. the packets not the granulated stuff (that stuff is meant for baking) use whatever u like, like i always have equal around for my coffee but i like the artificial flavor. (i know i’m weird) but in the smoothies splenda works best.
-yogurt choices: i tend to be a yoplait light kinda yogurt person. its thick and rich and creamy. makes for a great ice cream like consistency. but i have used others like dannon light and fit and generics. use whatever u prefer but try the yoplait atleast once.
-i do make my own almond and cashew butter with splenda (in the food pro) but if u dont want to make your own use an all natural peanut or almond butter like the one by Addams.
ok here goes:

Orange Dreamsicle:
Juice of 2 oranges
4 oz almond milk
¼ cup cheesecake or vanilla pudding
6 frozen peaches
4 packs splenda

Caramel Apple:
4 oz frozen cinnamon apple
4 oz almond milk
2 tbls sugar free caramel topping (i prefer smuckers)

Neapolitan:
6 frozen strawberries
¼ cup cheesecake or vanilla pudding
4 oz almond milk
2 tbls dry chocolate pudding

Chocolate& peanut butter moo’d:
(this one tastes like jamba juices o so tempting but fat and calorie ridden one)
½ (2 oz) banana
4 oz almond milk
6 frozen peach
¼ cup chocolate pudding
(If desired 1 tbls peanut butter)

Blueberry Pie:
¼ cup frozen blueberries
1 oz frozen cinnamon apples
4 frozen peach slices
2 oz blueberry yogurt
4 oz almond milk
4 tbls cool whip free frozen
2 splenda packets

Peanut Butter Cookie:
1 tbls almond/peanut butter
4 oz almond milk
2 ½ oz small ice
3 splenda packets

Pineapple upside down cake:
¾ cup frozen pineapples
¼ cup butterscotch pudding
¼ cup vanilla pudding
4 oz almond milk
Dash cinnamon
1/8 tsp almond/cherry extract
1 tsp brown sugar
Topped with whipped cream

hope everyone gets to try these. they are freakin delicious wether or not you are trying to lose weight, maintain weight or just want a tasty guilt free snack. thanks for listening. and enjoy! (more to come as they come to me:))